One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
