Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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