She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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