I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
