Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
