it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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