Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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