Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
