his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
