Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
