Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
we're so committed to being not committed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
