Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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