We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
