Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
