apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
