There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
