I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
