My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
