you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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