i think my tv is drunk
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
