I bet he comes in French.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize