:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
