I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
