Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
