rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
