Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
