Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
