I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
