True but thats because hes a fetus.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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