I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
