Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
