drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
