I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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