where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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