Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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