That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
