i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i think my tv is drunk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize