my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize