I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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