And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
