Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
