I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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