Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
