I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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