i was born a porn star she said
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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