the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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