It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
