Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize