I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
