out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
