evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
