fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
