I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize