Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
