I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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