watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
