Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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