Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
