the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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