are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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