ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
