Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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