so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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