that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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