True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
