Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
