i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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