he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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