East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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