Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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