when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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