"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
