You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
