I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
