You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i have two assholes
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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