kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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